I know it has been quite a bit of time since my last posting here. With the deaths of my Grandmother and Mother, and the major move from Connecticut to Texas we have made, my life got complicated. I would apologize, but I don't think that is an appropriate thing to do. Why? Because I think FAR too often we sufferers apologize for things we just should not have to.
For instance, why apologize for a messy house when you, yourself as a Fibro sufferer, are taking care of children, pets, and the elderly daily? Is a messy house so awful? Not in the slightest! Your priorities have been on beings that cannot take care of themselves and not on an inanimate object. And honestly, if people feel THAT uncomfortable in a cluttered house, they are not your family or friends. They are problematic and should be left alone to handle their problems of selfishness on their own.
And I truly believe it is selfishness that rules them when they become uncomfortable in your dwelling. It is their judgement that you should be living to their standards. Their standards are always going to be judged from a completely different lifestyle. They more than less likely do not have a chronic illness to contend with. They may not have children. And if they do, are they also taking care of adults that are geriatric along with little children that are not school age? Or are they taking care of bigger children that require a taxi service and are they also dragging the elderly with them on those taxi runs? Probably not! They cannot judge you unless they live the exact life that you do. Only then can they judge, and at that point, they will probably keep their mouth shut because it would require energy to open it LOL!
I remember a day when I had no choice but to go grocery shopping with my Mom who was suffering from advanced Alzheimer's and my two children. I had to be quick with this trip because my Grandmother and her nurse were expecting me back so I could cook a meal for Grandma and my Grandfather. It was a very interesting trip because my youngest was maybe 4 month old at the time. My oldest was 7 years old. And Mom was a wanderer with Alzheimer's.
I had asked my oldest to hold on to the cart and her Ama's hand as tight as she could while my crying 4 month old was asking rather loudly for her mid morning feeding. I was pumping at the time for outings because people were not all that comfortable with woman who openly breast fed in public. So I reached for the prepared bottle.
The problem with asking a 7 year old and a person with Alzheimer's to push a cart is the fact that sometimes they cannot push it in a straight line. So I was trying to grow a third hand from my body to try and steer the food cart while holding the little one and her bottle at the same time. I can look back now on this and chuckle because it was a pretty funny thing to be happening to me while being so disgustingly tired. And I remember being really calm about the whole situation which was also funny.
Back then, though, it probably was not so funny to the people witnessing my life in Trader Joe's. Many of the employees stopped and asked me if I wanted to use their break room to sit and feed my little one. Others asked me if I needed help with shopping or getting the groceries to my car. And just about every customer allowed me the space and time I needed to shop in a usually hurried part of Connecticut. That day was quite memorable for me because I was apologizing to everyone if I was taking too long or in their way, and really, most found compassion for me once they saw the situation and could relate to it on their own level.
This is why I feel that the people who cannot understand or relate to what you are going through are selfish and are just not worth your time, energy, or compassion. Well, maybe your compassion when it is at a distance. But you should never feel obligated to sympathize with someone who cannot see beyond their own situations because you as a chronic sufferer need all the energy you can get to spend on the people and things that matter the most to you!
Love and Friendship,