Why I've Been Silent

I know it's been a while since I have posted. I will say that I'm truly sorry for the silence. I didn't mean to go dark on all of you, I just merely needed to process what was going on and try and find some answers before I talked to all of you.

The truth of the matter is that I still haven't found any answers. I only know what my friends have been able to tell me through comfort and consoling.

I have found NOTHING on the subject, except speculation on my own part which I will offer, BUT PLEASE, do not under ANY circumstances take my words as truthful. There are NO studies backing up my speculations at this point, BUT, having said that-- I hope they will one day try my speculations.

I turned 40 this past year, I'm actually almost 41, and this year is the poking and prodding year for me when it comes to yearly exams. I probably should have had some of these tests a little earlier in my life, but insurance only covers so much and I'm not rich, so therefore, I'm on a payment plan when it comes to my health. I have been since 1999. I'm sure MANY of you can relate.

This year I've had 2 EKG's for my heart. The first one was to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack. I wasn't and was diagnosed with anxiety. That's pretty normal for Fibro people, especially when you don't know you are allergic to wheat. Now, I still suffer from panic attacks every now and again, BUT they are mild compared to what I experienced before. The second EKG was for hitting 40. I passed with flying colors for both. In fact, one doctor said I had the heart of an 18 year old. I'm glad I "feel" less than half my age!

My second screening was a mammogram for 40. I thought that would turn out fine because I've never felt, nor has my OBGN's felt, a lump. It did not turn out so great.

I remember feeling numb during the first phone call. It honestly was the first call I had ever gotten that sounded bad right from the start. I could hear the woman's sympathy loud and clear. She wanted to schedule a second test. I confirmed a date without thinking of anyone but myself. Which to be honest, is actually a good thing, because I rarely think of myself. Of course, sadly, my ulterior motive was to get a second testing to clear me so I could care for everyone in my life. Yeah, I'm NO different than you. I have A LOT of people that count on me.

The second test had a lot more prodding than the first and I was sore for almost a week after. It was not a pleasant experience, but I was still hopeful until I got the third call for an ultra sound while I was still there.

I was prodded and poked again and the specialist came in and told me that I needed an MRI because they still see "something". BUT I had to wait until I had my period to schedule an appointment. Sometimes there is fluctuations in hormones and they want to capture that on an MRI.

In a week and a half, I was literally lucky to schedule an appointment. Terry, my OBGYN's receptionist nurse, was nice enough to explain more of my situation while scheduling the MRI at the hospital. I apparently had fibro dense breasts, but the left breast was the one in question. It was only one particular area. The top right, and deep in the tissue.

I went into the MRI scared as hell, and not because of the small quarters, but because this was a 5th check of my breasts at 40.

The MRI went okay. I heard A LOT of noise that felt annoying at times. I couldn't truly hear the music they tried to blast in my ears. I only heard the annoying buzzer of the machine.

My MRI didn't turn out great, though. They want to see me in 6 months because the area in question is still in question. The good news is that it's small. The bad news is that they can't biopsy it because they could hit a lung or a vein according to where it is.

Needless to say, I am overwhelmed by emotion and I had to wait to tell all of you. I just couldn't find the words. It pains me because I want the answers for all of you. All of this has happened in the course of the past 2 months. I hope can you forgive me for not speaking sooner because I want to research for you to the best that I can. IF this is Fibro related, I will do my best to research and keep you posted. If not, this is just another part of me.

Love and friendship!
Stay fabulous!

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