I often find this topic hard to discuss because of it's nature. It's not that I'm closed lipped about my life-- quite the contrary. I'm an open book with my feelings. In fact, here's me deep in thought about this post:
But sometimes I get so consumed with emotion that I find it hard to express those feelings into words. It would be nice if I could just post a picture of my face, and nothing more, at times. That might say it all since my life is written all over my face, but I am, after all, a writer and I have to find a way to make the words come out because if I don't, I feel a little bit of me is lost.
Stress is one of my main triggers for a flare. I often feel trapped when stressed. I find it hard to move past it because I just can't see past it and then I fear that it will consume my life forever.
Has that ever happened to you?
My stress has to do with care taking for several family members aside from my own children and it's a stress that I can find overwhelming at times. I try to reach out but, sometimes, people with their well-meaning behavior, will tell you your stress is normal, and that EVERYBODY goes through it.
Really? EVERYBODY takes care of their grandparents and parents in their early twenties to their 40th birthday and counting. Really? And without the aid of a nursing home, day care, or anything else almost? Really?
If you smell some sarcasm it is TOTALLY intentional-- and for good reason. Most people today have assumed that people with Fibro can't handle stress. That's the psychosomatic bad wrap happening-- at least that's what I believe. It's a tough truth we Fibromites have had to deal with at one point or another in our lives. The people we care to know seem to stop caring about our situation.
Some of them didn't know us and they may think we are blowing things out of proportion, some of them stuck it out, but still feel we are a bunch of drama queens/kings, and some of them are trying to get it, but for reasons that we can't understand, they just don't understand us at all. And these might be friends that you should consider cutting ties with.
I'm not saying that there aren't true friends out there. There are! And you have to celebrate the ones that get it! But the ones that don't are different.
I've tried to keep some of them in my life. I had valued their friendship for many reasons that had nothing to do with my illness. Some of them were around before I got sick, others I got to know during my illness. But lately, and maybe it's because I've turned the "magic number" of 40, I've become irritated. I really don't think I have anymore time for people that dismiss my feelings. Is that harsh? Maybe. But I sure don't think so.
We as humans try to surround ourselves with the things we want in life. If we want positive people, we will strive for that, and nothing more. If we'd like love, sometimes we look for it in the wrong place and we may just get the scraps of the people we call friends.
Now, that may not sound fair to you. Some of your friends that have been acting less than one have been around for ages. They have loved you BEFORE diagnoses and have even held your hand, but now, it's different. And even though it is-- why pull the plug?
You don't have to! BUT that doesn't mean that you have to be around them all the time and absorb that negative energy from them day after day. Perhaps they thought you'd get better, see a shrink, or loose what they thought was drama. I'm not sure, but I do know one thing, some friends are supposed to be with you for life and others are just there for a short time. Think as deeply as I am now, and love where you can, but love from afar if it's healthier.
Love and friendship,