Friday, April 9, 2010

Couples, Kids, and Time

Fibromyalgia and Sex Can Be A Pain In The Neck...and back and shouldersOkay, hears that warning I talked about WAY back when at the beginning of this blog.  Keep your kids away from this one because it's about the subject I like to talk about most, sex.

Spending time with your mate can be a hard thing to master when it comes to kids and responsibility.  There's the young ones asking for everything from a feeding to a story, to the eldest person of 90 from your family asking for a light to be turned on while you are on the phone with your hubby.  Life is not a bag of chips, heck it's not even a Slim Jim at times, but that doesn't mean you can't spice things up.

Look, I'm not saying that life is easy.  It's not.  Times are tough.  People are tightening their belts to the point where they are singing first soprano and they are working harder at keeping what they have by getting 2,3, and in some cases, 5 jobs to make ends meat.  Who could possibly have time for anything else, right?

We all should, and that's the simple answer.  Do we want to hear that?  Probably not because it's another stress in our already cluttered life.  How many times have you heard hubby asking for sex in a verbal or physical way and you just cringed at the fact that you had to make yet another person happy tonight despite that nagging, aching, and piercing pain we call fibromyalgia?  Probably plenty.

Now you might think that I'm such a positive person that I'll have a clever thought that should be placed here.  Well, I hope you aren't holding your breath for that because I don't.  I don't because you have to pick and chose what you can do for the night, no matter how hard or easy it may be for you.

Sure, it's easy to just say no, but even though it is "all about me" during the relationship as I state in Fibromyalgia and Sex Can Be a Pain in the Neck..., it has to be about them when it comes to the actual relations.  You have to think about their needs too.  This is where compromise comes in.

Compromise can be your enemy or your friend, it just depends upon how you look at it.  You always have the option to say no to compromise, but sometimes your thoughts may give into wanting to please someone else besides yourself when you are in pain.

Please understand that I've been there during the turmoil and I understand how you have to contemplate the difference between walking in the morning and making love with the person that means the most to you-- it's hard and it's scary.  You don't know what you are capable of until you go through it.

If you've read my books, you know I understand, but if you haven't, let's talk, and not about sex, let's talk about you.  How have you been feeling, how are you today, have you been eating right, what's your stress level at the moment, are you feeling numb about the world, depressed, so-so?

THINK about it BEFORE you engage in any THING for the evening.  Why?  Because your body may depend on it.  Focus on yourself in a journal, yes, but when it comes to your mate, don't neglect them for the all mighty journal.  Make sure you have time for them and be with them-- even if you have to psych yourself up for them every once in a while so you remember what it's like to be loved, touched, and lusted over.  Sometimes, a journal is good, but it can be a determent when you use it as an excuse to live through your pain in life.  How do I know this?  Well, I almost missed a chance to intimate with my husband last night because I almost let fear of pain rule my thoughts.  I'm glad I changed my mind.


Mauri said...

Thanks for the tips. Well, spending some quality time with your husband or mate is will surely strengthen your relationship. It’s like the Arizona rebate , wherein many are benefited by buying appliance that uses less energy. In a relationship, you must learn to invest time and emotion – of course there are times that we need space or time for ourselves, but let’s be more patience and understanding in giving our responses on it especially it you are going to say no!

Anonymous said...

I have found that a lot of doctors don't really believe in fibromyalgia and they seem to think I was making it up, but the book "Beat Sugar Addiction Now!" is written by a doctor and he knows so much about it. I feel like I learned a lot about my own body just by reading the section on FMS, and it made me annoyed that no one had told me this before. I started reading the book because I thought it was a diet book and would maybe help me lose weight, and if I wasn't carrying around so much weight maybe I would feel better overall and be less achy. But it's actually a whole part on fibromyalgia is in it and I learned a lot about my hypothalamus that I never knew before. The information is good and smart science but not too hard to understand. You need to find help if you have what I have-so much pain it hurts to pull my shirt over my head or bend down to tie my shoes. I had to start wearing ugly crocs just because they were easier to put on and more comfortable, and that is not who I wanted to be-a fat person in unstylish shoes who has trouble getting in and out of the car. I feel like if I can find a doctor who will help me and I can do what it says in this book, I will get a lot better. It is written very convincingly and you can tell he knows what he's talking about. Plus he has a list to help you find doctors that treat FMS and I am ready to get treated and stop feeling like my nerves are exposed every time I move. Here's the website for Dr. Jacob Teitelbaum:

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