Thursday, November 26, 2009

Family, Friends, and Flares

During the holiday season one can think of a lot about food prep, cleaning cobwebs from the ceiling, and getting rid of any old magazines that seem to pile up on the coffee table.  I don't know about you, but for me, it's a constant struggle to keep the house clean and presentable to guests.  Yeah, my friends and family won't mind a little dirt here and there, but I mind.  I'm Monk in a house of people who are not. 

It's very frustrating at times and can lead to a lot of stress on my part.  I tend to yell and cry a lot because the frustration brings my fibro into overdrive.  I get really crazed at night when I know I have at least 8 more hours of work and only 1 or 2 more hours to do it in. 

Life can be tough and no one on this Earth has ever said it was easy, but for some of us fibro sufferers, it can be down right detrimental when we are dealing with normal stress on top of unexpected stress.  Normal stress is easy for most people.  You get up, you get ready for work, you go to work, you work, you come home, you eat and relax with your family and your day is done.  That can get stressful when you have a deadline to meet or you've had a bad day. 

Unexpected stress is different.  Unexpected stress is when a family member is ill and you have to care for them and/or their house, or you have to deal with a death in the family, or some type of abuse.  Unexpected stress can take a huge toll on your well being, and unfortunately, it is unavoidable.  Everyone has to deal with a death, illness, or some form of abuse every now and again in their life.  And the most unfortunate is that it usually happens around the time of the holidays--statistically speaking that is.

Now, I could go into a ton of research for you and site a lot of the articles I've read over the years.  But right now, I can't.  It's not because I don't want to or I haven't actually researched it, because I have read a lot over the past 15 years to back this up.  It's just that I can't because I'm dealing with unexpected stress right now.

I'm not sure where this blog entry is actually going right now, but my intention was to have it informative, helpful, and upbeat.  I don't like gloom and doom.  I never did and I don't want this post to be taken the wrong way but I feel that if I can't say this in a raw state as a Fibro and Fabulous writer, I'm not doing any of you, my readers, any good.

About two and half weeks ago my Grandmother fell.  I was not there right when it happened, I was there later in the morning.  We had planned to be together that day.  She wound up injuring her back that had already had a prior fracture. 

For those of you that have not had the chance to read my books, I will delve a little into my private life about my Grandma.  She is a beautiful woman who taught me how to cook and how to be a true woman.  It was amazing for me to have her around when I was a teen.  Yes, I've had my Mom too, but Grandma was always there when Mom was not. 

And to this day, Grandma is still there, but I fear for not much longer.  That day will be sad because I not only have her ill, but I have my Mom and Grandpa ill too.  Both Mom and Grandpa have Alzheimer's and they are in the last stages, and yes, they are all the same bloodline, so Grandma is my Mom's Mom.

Grandma is a tough cookie.  She has lived through polio, the Great Depression, a miscarriage, the loss of her son, and now she is dealing with a sick daughter and husband.  That's a lot for any one person to handle.  I honestly don't think I could.  But she still gets up every morning.  She is the true symbol of being positive to me.

Some people would give up on life and become crabby, not my Grandma.  She still to this day gets up out of bed and that's hard when you have post-polio.  She should be in a wheel chair but my Grandma uses walkers to get around her tri-level house.  She keeps on keeping on... but how?  How does someone do that?

Well, I can't speak for Grandma, but I can sure speak for myself and I think it comes from anger.  Not the kind of anger you direct towards someone and not the anger you direct towards yourself.  It starts there, but it doesn't finish, you get angry with the fact that people have to help you and then you stop and say to yourself, your higher power, or whatever you believe, enough already!

Harsh, well, plainly, no it's not.  Why?  Because you are saying that for a very good reason.  You don't want to burden your friends and family with anything.  Why should you.  Life was meant to be enjoyed.

Now, I don't mean to make this blog a prayer fest.  It's not my intention because everyone has different beliefs out there.  And I love you as my reader whether you are pagan, christian, heathen, or anywhere in between.  I celebrate, appreciate, and understand you all and that is why I truly try to leave faith out of my blogs.  We are all different and faith can get confusing when it comes to specific beliefs.

But when you come right down to it, everyone believes in a higher power or self-- across the board--we all do simply put.  And my basic premise of getting mad can help anyone-- regardless of religion or faith.  Get mad at your higher power-- make things change and shift to help you and the ones you love.  If you don't, things can stay the same and that's no fun for anyone involved... especially you and your caretakers that want to see you better.
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