Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Sex, Men, and Fibro

***WARNING*** This installment is for readers 18 and over because it contains adult topics. Thank you for your understanding.

Though this article does not touch on fibromyalgia and sex directly I think it is still a very important article to read because it discusses why we woman sometimes are not open with our men when it comes to sex.

Something I cannot stress enough, and I've stressed it in my books and articles on this subject religiously, is that you have to have open communication with your partner. Likes and dislikes can change over the years-- or in a fibromite's case-- it can happen daily so never be afraid to speak up.

This OBGYN is spot on and she completely coincides with my views about men in relationships. Your man should be asking early and often in your sexual relationship what you like. And yes, it's even better if he asks you to show him. Men sometimes need-- pardon the pun-- hands on experience to learn for next time.


Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Why WE SHOULD NOT Apologize

In the times of the digital age many are looking for perfection. Maybe it's the screen that gives them the false-feeling OR maybe it's the feeling of a huge disconnect that does.

This post is about the later.


Why do WE feel a disconnect these days from people EVEN WHEN THEY ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!

Our "Z" generation will tell you there is no disconnect because they talk to their friends DAILY on the internet. And I MUST admit I've been doing the same with ALL of mine because the distance is TOO far to visit.

But with virtual do we expect face-to face perfection TOO much?

Think about it-- you let that internet friend you've never met face-to face slide because he/she is a million miles away. Do you do the same for your face-to-face friends you've known most of your life?

I will admit that sometimes I DO NOT do this. I will admit that I feel hurt and I SHOULD admit that to my friends.

Don't we expect our social media friends every time we do a "sweep" to comply to what WE believe a friendship is?

We SHOULDN'T! Anymore then we should expect our mother to comply.

So how is REALLY our friends defined when we question ALL of this?

The answer isn't farther than ourselves. Whatever we except is what comes into our friendships. If you are open like me-- well? You get a VARIETY! If you aren't you are probably going to move more people like you as a person. And that's fine!

DO NOT apologize for who you are when meeting someone because it is MORE important that you show them the true loving diva you are!

Love and Friendship,

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

An Apology and Free Book

Hey everyone! 

This is not going to be a normal post because I wanted to drop in and post an apology to Y'all! Last week I was involved with a Giving Thanks Romance promotion and some authors were really nice to let you all know about it via social media outlets. MANY of you have been following me on those sites for about a decade (Well... it's going to near two in a bit-- but who's counting ;) LOL!) so I really want to make sure you see this apology.

To make a long story short-- I was GROSSLY misinformed by the coordinator how many books were involved and once I found out just how misleading the promotion had become, I pulled out my book.

I am very sorry that I did that but I live by integrity as you die-hard fans of my writing know and I'd never, EVER want to mislead any reader. I am very grateful for all of the support, emails, PMs, likes, and shares by all of you!

Having said that, I'd like to continue to offer my book as a free download to any who have been affected by this mess! And even if you weren't-- feel free to download too!

Also, if you know anyone who was bummed by this Giving Thanks event and was looking forward to it-- please feel free to pass the link onto them as well.

Again, I am deeply sorry! I feel really awful about the whole thing and I hope this makes up for it a little. :)

Friday, July 27, 2018

The Pros AND Cons of Tidying

I LOVE this article because it speaks to every fiber of my core and I WISH it inspired my family just as much as it inspires me.

Growing up, Grandma and Mom always used to say that "Cleanliness was next to Godliness" and they then proceeded to show me how to clean something using a proper tool and disinfectant. Mom was a little more extreme than my Grandma. Mom was more strict than this article too. Grandma though? She allowed things to be a little messy but showed me how to "tidy".

The pros of keeping things "tidy" is that you have a lot less to do come "cleaning day". The thing is? This article speaks of mothers and mother in-laws and I'm going to bank on the fact that since the author of this article has a home of her own that her parents on both sides probably don't deal with a ton of mess-- PERIOD!

There are days in my own life when I feel like I'm just the maid. I've LITERALLY had the kids and husband walked over my hunched self to walk onto a floor that I'm trying to clean and DIRTY what I had just mopped on my hands and knees.

NOW!!!! Before I have WWIII on my hands with comments let me make something abundantly clear! My family doesn't do that out of malice. They DO respect me. And they DO love me. And I DO NOT ALLOW them to "walk all over me"-- pun intended!

But here's the thing... my family doesn't have my personality and that doesn't make them "mean" or "disrespectful". They are just part of the blissful few that think ALL the cleaning can be accomplished in just a few hours. And they are that way because they literally are not wired the way I am.

Before I read this article I used to think that my own personal hell was being the only neat freak in my clan of humans and furballs. AND YES! EVEN FURBALLS can be OCD! We had a few growing up that didn't DARE mess things up on Mom LOL!

But as I read some of the comments I saw a pattern. There were some that were upset that everything was left to them but they gladly cleaned out of the love of their family. Others were on the brink and feeling almost depressed that no one seemed to care how long it took them to accomplish simple tasks like vacuuming a floor. And then there were others that are like my family.

The Pros of being tidy are clear. The more you clean up daily-- the LESS you have to do weekly. However, there are definite cons to this when you have fibro.

Most people with fibro tend to be Type A people and they want nothing more than to have a tidy home so they WILL over work themselves until the house is clean and sometimes that includes doing the evening dishes and even the laundry from the day into the late hours of the evening.

If I'm considering an aching back for a clean kitchen then that is a CON! Yes I tend to try and make a place for everything so it's easier to clean up after the pets and family. I DEFINITELY have less furniture and tchotchkes that the majority of people do but I'm fine with that! And I'm fine with that for two reasons.

One, the home is pet and children friendly. I RARELY have to move something or protect a child/pet from danger in my home.

Two, it's spiritually wonderful for me too because I like, as Gandhi puts it, will Live simply so others may simply live. This simple phrase has always, always made me think because I want to make sure that I am being a responsible consumer for the people that can't always afford things. What do I mean by that?

I've lived to see a second hand movie go into a movie theater and I could go see it for 25 cents. YUP!!!!!! You saw that right! 25 cents!!!!!!! And no! I'm NOT Betty White's age thank you very much! When I went into the theater I could get a large bucket-- not bag-- BUCKET of popcorn with 2 drinks for $5. I was a cheap date. ;) And YES! The bucket had significance because you could both hide your hands in the bucket without the parentals seeing you hold hands! You can't do that with paper! LOL!

I'm digressing a bit BUT you get my point about how little SOME things cost just a generation ago and for some people going to the movies is just a yearly event because they can't drop $100 on tickets AND food. They also probably don't buy as many health and beauty products, clothes, snacks, OR go out to eat as often either. It's just TOO expensive today for the regular people that are just getting by.

So next time that you want to spend some money-- check for a sale on a major product and ONLY buy it then. If you can add a coupon to that-- go right ahead! The big companies are getting SO BIG that they forgot about the little people that probably can't buy their products. And seriously that IS a problem! Why? Because once a business relies on only ONE class to pay for their product they will usually wind up folding. That means people are out of jobs. It's just good business to cater to every social class that likes your stuff. Sure you may take a hit at first but it's better in the long run!

I'm digressing a bit again but I'm sure you get my point! Tidy when you CAN with Fibro. LOVE the people living with you EVEN IF they don't get you. And live as simply as you can so others AND YOU can simply live and LOVE in your life!

Stay fabulous!
Love and friendship,


Wednesday, July 25, 2018

For the First Time in Forever...

This is a mental health post for all of you suffering. It's been hard. I understand because it is hard for me too. There are days when I didn't think I could breathe in, but I found a way to breathe out. If you suffer from depression to the point where your life consists of a lot of bed rest and not much else, please understand that I have been there for a good amount of my own adult life.

There are days when I have done nothing but binge watch a favorite show from the past. I tend to binge watch "The Rifleman" because I miss watching it with Grandma. I also binge watch "Star Trek" because Dad and I used to watch it when I was growing up. Other favorites are the X-Files, Criminal Minds, Expedition Unknown, and Bar Rescue because my kids and husband love those.

Depression happens. It's pretty much a fact in everyone's lifetime. BUT living life is a choice. You can chose to live day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, or breath by breath. I have had the experience of ALL of these while going through my chronic depression in life. 

And now I'm HAPPY to say that FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER I can wear my original engagement ring! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER! Next goal is the wedding band and that’s not far behind! The scale might not have tipped much these past 5 years but my swelling, nerves, stomach, etc ARE FINALLY getting to almost normal. Next up is living day to day instead of breath to breath! It's a GOOD GOAL!
Stay fabulous!
Love and friendship,

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Radio Appearance

I'll be on here Monday June 11, 2018 folks and I invite you to listen in as I discuss one of my books on fibromyalgia. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/rrradio/2018/06/11/red-river-radio-presents-dellanis-tea-time-with-amanda-and-cd

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Food & Exercise Doesn't Always Do the Body Good

Food and exercise are 2 of the main staples in our lives that are supposed to keep us fit and healthy. They are supposed to keep our bodies fluid and energized but that isn't always the case with fibro sufferers. Sometimes those things just don't do the body good because we find out that we have an allergy, an aversion, or an intolerance to certain food groups, and sometimes our muscles will let us know that the activity we are doing is causing a great deal of fatigue.

I recently moved to the northern part of Texas and discovered that some of the activities and foods that I could not eat/do in Connecticut I can here. Part of it is the weather because the climate is not as humid and it is, of course, warmer with less snow. I found that to be intriguing because most people who have dealt with this beast for a while (in my case a little over a decade) tend to accept the fact that they can't eat certain things or do certain things anymore.

Well, I'm happy to report that that is NOT always the case! Back in Connecticut I could not mop the floors during the winter. I was just too fatigued to do so, and that was from a lack of vitamin D in my system. I would supplement but that didn't help me with large jobs like mopping a floor larger than 2 by 8.

Here in Texas I have larger windows that let in a lot of natural sunlight. I actually take the curtains off of the windows during the winter season so I have more natural light in the house. I still supplement too but I find that I can mop two regular sized rooms-- which is much bigger than my half bathroom in Connecticut-- before I have to take a break. That's progress to me!

In a few of my earlier blog entries I explained that the newly diagnosed can benefit from keeping a journal for a week to see if any foods or activities spark a flare. And that's a good thing for the newly diagnosed to do because it helps you and your doctors determine a great pain-free-as-possible lifestyle for your future days to come.


Sometimes food and exercise should be revisited by people who have had this beast for a while. Maybe you started a new activity, a new job, you've moved like me, OR one of your favorite brands reformulated their food products. If that is the case-- you should maintain (or start up again) a journal for a week and see if this new food/activity is the cause of your flare.

I have made up some great work sheets that you can use to keep a journal for yourself about your activities and foods and how they made you feel afterwards and I'll post a link to those free journal pages at the bottom of this blog posting. It's important to record your observations for at least a week because sometimes an exercise won't hurt until the next day. And sometimes a flare caused by a food won't show up for a few hours.

I hope that all of you will find this PDF helpful so you can revisit your food and activity journals when you need or want to.

Stay fabulous!


For a free-- totally free-- there is NOTHING attached to this gift-- PDF copy of the Fibro and Fabulous Food and Activity Journal.
Click Here

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Mg12 Pain Relief Creams

From time to time I like to share my experiences with alternative pain relief because even if it helps just one of you, I've done my job as a blogger.

Today's topic is Mg12 Pain Relief Creams. I was contacted by Dion about these products and he told me that they have helped his mother who happens to have fibromyalgia because they contain Dead Sea salts which have the highest concentration of Magnesium Chloride  
available on Earth.

I'm always happy when people reach out to me because I enjoy passing the information onto all of you so you can make your own decisions about the products, but the thing that really touched me about Dion is that he is passionate about helping people with this beast.

Mg12 has a lot of products on their website and I've used only a few of them so far in different forms. I've tried the Body Balm and MagneSoothe spray, which contains lavender oil. And the MagneSport roll on and balm. 

I do like them all, but I'm more partial to the Body Balm/ MagneSoothe Oil Spray for bedtime since it contains lavender. I like the oil spray for my harder to reach areas. It makes it easier to apply to my back. And the balm is, well put simply, THE BOMB!

Neither product leaves a residue like other pain rubs I have tried and there isn't that awful burning sensation when you put it on. The MagneSport roll on was a little itchy on my dry skin (some of you remember my ordeal with eczema). This sensation went away within a minute of applying it and I didn't get any further irritation. 

Prices for the products range from $9- $120, depending on how many items you want. And the more expensive items are bundle packages. You don't have to be a member to get these reasonable prices either-- something I really like! 

The idea of the products is to use them often because the Magnesium will replenish your body's deficiency and you will start to feel better. I had an almost instant pain relief result when I used MagneSport. The Body Balm dulled the pain enough to help me relax and fall asleep, but I did have to re-apply it once more to get a better effect. 

Magnesium helps with many functions in the body as I've often said in this blog. I've been a fan of Epsom Salts for quite some time, but nothing compares to Dead Sea salts for pain, regularity, skin irritations, and energy and I can't wait to try their bath salts! 

Stay fabulous!
Love and friendship,


Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Why I Embrace My Insomnia

I'm sure that all of you have been in this situation:

Me: I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night.
Well Meaning Friend (WMF): Oh! I'm sorry to hear that! What's been on your mind lately?

First, don't get me wrong! It's nice that these WMFs care! But when the conversation leads to this I tend to just drop the subject for three reasons, one there is nothing major on my mind that is keeping me up at night. Two, I am all about sleep hygiene and have been ritual about it since the night I didn't need my mother tucking me in. And three, though I can understand that the WMFs may have sleep issues from time to time and think they understand, my sleep issue is chronic and it's not just about trying to fall asleep, it's also about staying asleep too.

For ever since I can remember I've had these issues. Even as a child I could not fall asleep, nor could I stay asleep. As an adult, I assumed my problem had to do with being in bed too long so I made it a point to stay up until I was tired. That only worked in my twenties for about five to six years because I was staying up until 3 AM and then waking up at 5:30 AM two to three times per week. It got old-- what can I say? Once I hit my thirties, I decided that a bedtime of 11 PM was more respectable but I'd always wake up at 2:30 AM from a dream, a noise, or having to feed the baby and I wouldn't fall back to sleep until it was 30 minutes before my older one had to wake up to get ready for school. Now that I'm in my forties I just lie there and watch TV until I feel tired enough because I've given up trying to fix my insomnia. Instead I'll just embrace it as part of my life.

Yes, I stare at the clock and hate it, myself, and everything else during those hours I cannot sleep. And I wake up with pain the next morning too. And, YES, it is hard for me to do my daily chores while in that pain but frankly the alternatives to my problem-- at least to me-- seem far worse.

I could try to take sleep aids-- I really could. Especially on those nights of desperation, but the problem is I already have been known to sleep walk without taking any kind of drug. I remember waking one morning to see some half eaten cheese on the kitchen counter and remembered dreaming about eating a piece that turned into me milking a cow. Seriously! It happened! So, for me? A sleep aid any stronger than chamomile or melatonin would be very dangerous!

My insomnia, thankfully, comes in waves and is like actual clockwork-- pun intended! The first wave is waking up once a night at around 12:30-1 AM. I can usually fall back to sleep easily until 4:30 AM rolls around and I'm awakened by my husband coming in from work. The next wave is waking up two-five times a night and having overly stiff joints in the morning. The best way to describe the stiff feeling is having to walk through a swimming pool. My last wave is not being able to fall asleep and then waking up two-four times during the night. Thankfully, I am currently on my last wave as I'm typing this post! Because after these waves I have one blissful week of sleeping like an actual normal person. YAY!!!

In the end, I still get a lot of WMFs that try and tell me to take a bath, get dressed into P.J.s, read a book, avoid taking any naps, and have zero caffeine. I think my favorite bit of advice was not to take naps. I get the sentiment, but in my case, if I don't nap on some days I WILL hurt myself.

I've had days where I've been so groggy that I have put the potholder on one hand and I've used the bare one to lift a pan out of the oven. I just simply cannot NOT take a nap on these days or on the days I must drive my children somewhere. It's just not an option in my world and this is why I've embraced my insomnia.

May all of you have sweet dreams and STAY FABULOUS!

Love and Friendship,

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